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The Flaming Haemorrhoids of Hell

The Flaming Haemorrhoids of Hell Biography

Biography :: FHHNorway

Band Members

Dolores Zorro - Soprano Ukulele, Resonator Ukulele, Electric Ukulele, Overdriven Flying V Ukulele, 8-string Tenor Ukulele, Baritone Ukulele, Electric Guitar, Acoustic Guitar, Vocals, Cattle Rustling

Dermot O'Dreary - Bassix Banjo Bass, Electric Bass, Acoustic Bass, Vocals, Concertina, Kazoo, Percussion, Duck Petting

Danni de Pression - Tenor Sax, Alto Sax, Vocals, Kazoo, Percussion, Bear Wrangling

Current Label

Unsigned


Haematology

During the early 1950s the Great Northern Herring Boom drew fishing families from all over Europe to the West Coast of Norway. Many of them decided to settle in and around Trondheim. Failing pathetically to integrate with the tiny population of the area, which they soon outnumbered, the incomers rapidly replaced the simple local gastronomic pleasures with flavours of home. 1952 saw the opening of the first Irish pub, rapidly followed by a tapas bar, a boulangerie, a distillery and a pancake house. Overwhelmed by such unheard-of luxuries as haggis, chocolate sauce and freshly baked croissant, the native Norwegians fled to the hills to subsist on a diet of reindeer, berries, jam, and copious quantities of beer and aquavit smuggled over the border from Sweden.

So it was that, in 1955, above their little bar – the ‘Desayuno Todo el Dia y Té Como Marcas de la Madre’ – the Zorro family welcomed little Delores into their lives. The next year the O’Drearys were joined above the ‘Bum Note’ by young Dermot and just along the street the de Pressions welcomed a new bun out of their oven, little Danni.

At school the children did well and soon found that music was to be their natural calling, giving little concerts for their parents’ friends, as they dreamed of combining music with the hearty life of the trawlermen and women. Dolores’s big sister, Titanica, was already Mate to the Captain of a Smack.

Each day they would practise in the music room, resting their backsides on the radiators to ward off the chill, while trying to compete against Micky MacCaroon’s bagpipes and the Wurlitzer theatre organ so thoughtfully given to the little Italian/Norwegian boy, Olav Liberace, by his American aunt.

By the time they left school, the herring had been ‘fished out’ by the huge fleet of Russian trawlers that steamed down from the frozen wastes in the North and, with Trondheim yet to have its oil bonanza, they all had to join their family businesses. But the dream of international fame persisted as they continued to meet up each week to practise in the old school music room. One by one, the bar, the bakery and the tapas bar were taken over by massive global chains, keen to extract the petrol dollars from the American and British oil workers who were drawn to the area. The ‘Bum Note’ became ‘O’Flannagan’s Irish Experience’, the ‘Desayuno Todo el Dia y Té Como Marcas de la Madre’ became a Pole dancing club (where for a very reasonable price you could dance with a nice girl from Gdansk) and the bakery became a take away pizza shop.

Without jobs and short of cash, their parents having moved to a rather nice little development near Malaga with most of the money, the three friends decided it was time to launch themselves on the music scene and make a name for themselves in the highly competitive area of sax, ukulele and bass trios.

One evening, as they were rehearsing in the old music room, their bottoms suitably glowing from the radiator’s heat, their new manager wandered in. ‘What are you going to call yourselves?’ she bellowed over the din. Just as she spoke, Dermot leaned forward, scratched his behind and shouted ‘flaming haemorrhoids!!’

In Hell, their home town near Trondheim, piles were a constant problem as, during the long cold winters, people warmed their numb cheeks on the radiators. ‘That’s it!’ she called back, 'The Flaming Haemorrhoids of Hell'.

Share | Last updated on 22nd Jul 2011

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